The psalms will never call me again.

Spot On Bacon

She was right. Everything I’d see in the next few weeks would remind me of her. Everything did. From the moment I went home I saw where we first kissed, her seat at our table, where she usually seats when she’s waiting for me to finish my chores, I even imagined her washing the dishes. 

My room was the worst. I think we had most of our memories there. From the cuddling, to the laughter, the fights, the markings on the wall, even the trash everywhere reminded me of her. There was a piece of her lying around somewhere. 

Last night I tried to feel our last night together in that room. Smoking weed and shit. So I did. I smoked a fat joint then I started floating. I went back. I imagined her lying there and I hugged her. Oh how I wish I could hug her again. I imagined kissing her. I don’t know. It was wrong but it felt like I needed that somehow. 

I tried to pull my self together. Washed off. Cooked, ate, did my chores. Then I saw it, those plastic spoon and fork from a convenience store. Like a ghost haunting me. We didn’t use it when we ate, and I thought I threw that in the trash, but it’s there. Just sitting there. Still a memory. It’s depressing. It’s fucked up. I’m fucked.

A Letter For The Innevitable

I don’t know how to start this because suddenly it’s the end. I don’t want to say anything because every breath I take might take away a memory, our memory to be exact.

I am the unknown and I loved the innevitable.

She and I were very different from each other, but we intertwined intricately perfect together. In a way she loved the attention but hated to admit it. But she’s the kind of girl that could make a room stop breathing for a moment. I hated that, because suddenly she wasn’t exclusively mine anymore. Well, she wasn’t to begin with. But jealousy would take over where love and appreciation used to be. But she’d look at me and her smile would reassure me once more. I felt safe and reassured with her.

She’s a wild child. She’d take her time crossing the street, she wouldn’t mind if she was late, always thinking positively, always telling herself that everything’s still in place. Nothing seemed to shake her. She wasn’t scared of the world until she experienced it first hand. I guess I was thankful for that cab incident that it went like that, just like that and nothing more. Nothing serious but enough to keep her on her toes. She was brave and she was my courage.

It seems like I’m telling you our story instead of saying something about her. I’m not really good with eulogies. I didn’t really thought of making one for someone. It’s really depressing to write about someone in the past tense when all you really want is to take comfort in their presence and be hopeful for the uncertainty of the future. There will be no present after this. This would be the last. I just wish that the texture of her skin, the scent of her breath, the beauty of the world in her eyes, the caress of her voice, the feel of her, the feel of the moments I cherished with her would stay with me until someone else reads me a eulogy.

Farewell, love. You shall be the light that would guide me home. The light at the end of the tunnel. My light, my life, and my love. I will always be amazed by all that you are and shall forever remain yours.

Spectral

I was not the first man on the moon
But I’m the first moron
to ever gravitate along it’s curvature

And I made my home within the stars
Waiting for the rain
Waiting for the pour

The currents push
The tides collide
Someday that would be us

Red to blue, blue to green
Green to green then fade to black
That’s just way too mean

Don’t pull the trigger no, not yet
Black doesn’t suit the room
But white’s too pure

Get a candle
Strike a match
Look for a friend
Throw comets and play catch

Pull the ozone
Then just lay still
Do all of this again tomorrow
You’re losing time to kill

I love you, Dorkstar.

And I love you too.

Brip

Mag-wawalong taon na luma pa rin ang brip ko. Di maipagkakaila na subok na ang pagkabihasa nito. Umulan, umaraw; tag-tuyo’t, tagbasa. Sobrang luma na ay maipagmamalaki ko na na ako ang gumawa nito. Sa sobrang dami na ng naipundar kong oras para sinupin at pagayusin ang pagkakahiwalay ng mga tahi ay masasabi kong akin na nga itong tunay. 

Bakit ko nga ba isinasalaysay ang alamat ko at ng aking tapat na brip? Hindi ko alam. Napakawalang kwentang bagay kung tutuusin. Mas may ibang mas importanteng bagay kesa  sa brip. Pero gayunpaman ay isa na itong importanteng parte na kayang bumago sa mga pinagsama-samang habi ng kasaysayan.

The Righteous Ones

Vain. Conceited. Self-centered. Hypocrite.

I already wrote something too long for you to not read then something shitty happened to the browser. So I’ll cut the crap and make it short. 

I am a hypocrite for writing this but this Righteous Ones, Oh! You’d love them. They think the world revolves around them. As if the world would cease to exist without their oh so charming self. They think everyone wants a piece of them. And they look at everyone else as a piece of meat. Humping from one poor soul to another. They’re never satisfied. And the problem is always with you. Not them. You. Why blame it on them when they’re too perfect? Just ask them.

This kind would go berserk if you brushed the tip of their soft silky hair wrong. Suddenly they’re the victim. They’d go tell everyone like you showed them your penis or something. They’d rally everyone to their cause. But they’d leave the details of them burning your house down or them selling your soul to the devil. They’re good kids. Perfect, angelic, kind souls. You have to tolerate them but they won’t try to understand you. 

They invented the world. And you should bow down to them. Everything is theirs. Even the thoughts that hasn’t escaped your mind yet is theirs. They will steal ideas, mimic your actions, and they will wear your identity as their own. But hey, you’re at fault. Come on, they invented the world. And they created it so that they could feed on the attention. Oh and you have to acknowledge and approve everything they do or else they’d go and tell mommy and daddy and they wouldn’t want to be your friend anymore. So no more candies for you, you mean guy! Hmph!

So why am I writing this? Because I’m a hypocrite with anger issues, and it’s too hot in my room for me to sleep. 

I Hope They Come In Peace

Last night the power went out. The night was enveloped in darkness and you couldn’t see shit. There was nothing to do but sleep. So I slept. Before I could pass over the dream world I heard a loud noise like a flame being blown out except it was as loud as an airplane taking off. It felt like it was next to my ear and it hurt like hell that I even closed my eyes tight and clenched my fist. 

Then everything ached. Mostly my spine but everything else felt pain. I wanted to curl up but I couldn’t. I thought it was a nightmare but I could clench my fist and bite my tongue. After a few moment I heard a loud noise again, this time it sounded like electricity. It was unbearable. And then finally I had time to breathe.

I couldn’t understand what was happening. If it came from outside my dad would’ve waken up. Is it all in my head? I think aliens are coming for us, man, seriously.

Gusto Mo Taho?

Gusto ko magpahaba ng buhok
tapos papagupitan ko ito
sa hitsurang ayaw ninyo

Gusto ko magpatattoo
sa panahong ito, gusto ko
gusto ko lang paki mo?

Gusto ko wag matulog ng ilang araw
palagi nalang ako tumatakas sa mga panaginip
bakit di ko subukang hayaan ito

Gusto ko magtayo ng kastilyong buhangin sa isla
dun ako maninirahan mag-isa
malayo sa mga tao at komunikasyon

Gusto ko mang-uto, gusto ko mang-gago
ayoko magpanggap na katulad ninyo
kala mo kung sinong biktima pero isa kang hipokrito

Gusto ko maging sigurado
sa mga desisyon ko, sa kung anong meron ako, sa mga nais ko

Grove Is King!

"Grove Street. Home. At least it was before I fucked everything up."

So I guess it’s been 10 years since this game came out, and it was only til recently that I got to play it again and finish it. 

More than a month ago someone sweet downloaded this for me. It was a distraction though. We were having this competition. She did a good job distracting me.

I’ve played this before, a couple of years back, but got stuck on the “Supply Lines” mission. I gave up then after a few days gave it another shot and aced it. There was something with the controls that I didn’t quite configure that’s why I had a problem with it. Next I got trouble with the “Airstrip Missions” and finally gave up.

Now, I’ve beaten this game, twice. First time I did, I cheated on the “Airstrip Missions” because it was a pain in the ass. Well, I cheated on almost all missions involving flying. Then, after that I had a feeling of fulfillment. I saw how beautiful and meaningful gang banging is so I played it again. This time I avoided using cheat codes and after a week I finished it with no cheats. 

Here’s my gangstah after finishing the game. You ain’t no gang banger if you’re not strapped with a double-headed purple dildo.

"I’m the Funktipus and I got my tentacles wrapped around your San Andreas, ain’t my fault."

Soulless Searching

I want
to
run

I want
to
feel
the world
beneath me

I want
to
breathe
something else
other than
this choking
filth in the
atmoshpere

I want
to
disappear

I want
to
scream,
scream to oblivion

I want
to
forget
and be forgotten
when I’m
not remembered
in the first place

I want
to care less

I want
to fear less

I want
to think less

I want
to fucking sleep

progress